“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it”~Adolf Hitler

“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it”~Adolf Hitler

     This is how I feel. Not that I am the one telling the lie but that I am the one that is being lied to.  It is something along the lines of “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”  Or “if no one sees it never happened” These are not a lie unless you are asked directly about it and then by not telling the truth it becomes a lie. I don’t believe in that line of thinking.  It is deceitful and manipulative. I do believe that every lie at some point in times comes out. Even the lies we tell ourselves.

     I keep asking myself why do we lie? I can remember a lie that I told my mother, not that I only lied once but this one lie just has stuck with me. I was about 13 and my mom had told me to put a slip on under my skirt. I didn’t feel that I needed one so I did not put it on. She asked me if I had put it on I said yes. Now if I had thought about it I would have known that she would see that I had not done so. As soon as we got outside she could see that I had not put that damn slip on. She sent me back into the house to go do it. Did I?  No, however I did take that damn slip and shove it as far as I could under my bed.  Went back and told lie number two.  “I can’t find it.”  Well the short of it is my mom found it. I got grounded over a very stupid slip. Ok, not the slip it was the lie, but at that time it sure felt like it was all because of the slip. So why did I lie? To this day I have no clue as to the why. Now there are lies that I do know why I told them such as “No, I have not been drinking. No, I don’t do drugs.” ECT…ECT…ECT…

    I also remember like it was yesterday when my daughter lied to me the first time. I saw her pop her brother’s balloon. I asked her why she did it, and she kept saying that she did not pop it. It broke my heart. This was the first of many more lies to come. I cannot recall the first lie from my son. So my children have lied to me, and they may still tell me lies to this day. Truth is, despite the lies, I still trust my children.

     Now why is it that I am forgiving and trusting of my children, however I am not of others that have lied to me? My ex is a good example of this. There are things that I do not care for that he did but told me he didn’t do. I would so much want to believe him. And it would seem just as I would start to believe that something would happen to show that it was a lie. Sometimes the something would be by my own doing of snooping or I would come across something by accident. He would always ask me why I did not trust him. I would respond like, “Why do you lie to me?” It was a destructive cycle that we were in. It had gotten to a point that he got in a mindset that if he was going to be accused of it, he might as well do it.  My response to that was if he would come home when he said he would or if he could remember where he had been then I would not be thinking the things that I was. Nonetheless, I never fully trusted him.

 I remember the lies told to me as a child, so many lies, and every one of them I found out. I even recall all the lies I was told to tell.  All this seems like a long way around to the point of my thoughts. It is not so much the lies but the effect that those early lies have had on my life. The simple fact of the matter is I do not trust. I have had people look me dead in the eyes and lie to me. Now they did not know I knew the liar for the lie they told. But what does it make me when I let that lie happen? I think it becomes a form of lying to myself. So the conundrum this leaves me in is I don’t trust others, and I don’t trust myself, but can I develop a trust in God? No matter how many people have hurt me in my past, I must now learn to completely trust God with both myself and with my entire life. Learning to really trust God in the way that He wants me to fully trust Him is an all-or-nothing principle. I understand this. Either I am going to fully trust Him with every area of my life or I am not.  “The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.” (Proverbs 29:25) I will forever be trapped by another human’s snare, but I will trust in God for my safety both physical and mental.