I am caught up in a whirl wind of thoughts, words remembered that have been said by others.
I had forgotten about something that someone said to me about 20 years ago. This morning as I read about following God’s call and the gifts that God has given us, this young woman’s words came back to me.
I was living in Fort Worth in an apartment complex full of strangers with a husband that was not often home and a baby. I was in the apartment office trying to make arrangements to pay whatever month it was rent. I felt ashamed that I had to do this. I hated it. While I was in there a young lady approached me and asked me if I would be willing to come to a weekly Bible study that would be held at the apartment complex. She said that I would be welcomed and I could bring my daughter with me. I agreed. I had nothing else to do.
I have very vague memories from that time. One, there was no one other then myself, my baby and the young seminary student that was leading the class. I never thought about how strange that should have been to me. Even today it should seem strange, but it doesn’t. I do not recall ever opening my Bible during this time, although I am sure we did. I cannot recall how this young woman looked. I remember she was slight of build, had longish hair, but other than that, I could not tell you the color of her hair or eyes. The only thing that I really remember from this time is that we had been having a discussion about gifts from God. She told me that I have the gift of empathy. I recall denying this even though somewhere deep inside me I knew this to be true.
For years it was hard for me to watch the news, read the paper, over hear conversation or even have someone talk to me when it concerned something deeply emotional. It got to a point that I no longer could watch the news or read the paper for all the negative media. It hurt so much. I prayed and begged for it to go away. It never fully went away but it did dull, this gift of empathy, enough so that I had thought it had turned into something more like caring about people because I no longer felt the heart ache as deeply.
From the time I was 20 I have had numerous people, those that have been little more than an acquaintance and those that have known me fairly well, ask or suggest to me that I might seek out counseling as a career. I have always said, "NO! That is not for me. Not going to do it. That is someone else’s calling not mine."
I have very vague memories from that time. One, there was no one other then myself, my baby and the young seminary student that was leading the class. I never thought about how strange that should have been to me. Even today it should seem strange, but it doesn’t. I do not recall ever opening my Bible during this time, although I am sure we did. I cannot recall how this young woman looked. I remember she was slight of build, had longish hair, but other than that, I could not tell you the color of her hair or eyes. The only thing that I really remember from this time is that we had been having a discussion about gifts from God. She told me that I have the gift of empathy. I recall denying this even though somewhere deep inside me I knew this to be true.
For years it was hard for me to watch the news, read the paper, over hear conversation or even have someone talk to me when it concerned something deeply emotional. It got to a point that I no longer could watch the news or read the paper for all the negative media. It hurt so much. I prayed and begged for it to go away. It never fully went away but it did dull, this gift of empathy, enough so that I had thought it had turned into something more like caring about people because I no longer felt the heart ache as deeply.
From the time I was 20 I have had numerous people, those that have been little more than an acquaintance and those that have known me fairly well, ask or suggest to me that I might seek out counseling as a career. I have always said, "NO! That is not for me. Not going to do it. That is someone else’s calling not mine."
I still stand by that statement for the person I once was. However I am no longer that person. I have come up out of the water no longer my own self. I freely gave all that old thought away. I asked God to take me and use me as HIS own . I did not come up out of that water feeling like a brand new person, but I felt something changed.
I have had four words running almost none stop through my mind when I get quiet: comforter, compassion, counselor and Christ. These four words that also mean empathy are wrapped around my soul. They have always been there; these pieces to the puzzle that I can now see are forming something amazing and beautiful. I am open and willing to go where Christ may lead.
No comments:
Post a Comment