"Mother is God in the eyes of a child”

"Mother is God in the eyes of a child”- Rose, from  Silent Hill

It has been nine months since I last wrote anything in my blog. It was not done consciously. I had started writing many blogs but never finished or just didn’t post it.  Here I am nine months later and making a post. However what I thought I was going to write about was my baptism on Wednesday. It seems as though God has put something else on my heart to write about.

“Mother is God in the eyes of a child” is a quote from the horror movie Silent Hill. What a statement that is. It moved me the first time I heard it and still does. It popped into my mind during church this morning, so I got quiet in my mind to feel what God was trying to tell me. I thought back to how for most of my life I had this image of God that I could not trust Him and that He did not love me. I based a large part of this on my first years of life. My biological mother was a poor example of what a mother should be. I believe she was in her own private hell that was so large and deep that she was unable to stop from dragging me and her other children into it. I do not believe that she made any conscious effort to do this. It just happened. She was ill prepared to be a mother. This is something that I now know. As a child I did not. A mother is one that loves and protects her child. She sacrifices all for them. My mother did little to none of these things.  The monsters came.  In her ignorance, her naivete,  and  her denial  they devoured every last thing that was of innocence that I had in me. It does not take a child long to stop trusting in the one that should protect them. 

 For years I asked where was God in all of this? I am not sure, however today I know that He was there. I still hurt from the past, but I am healed. I have forgiven my biological mother for her mistakes. I pray for her and my brothers and sister that in their time they can have some peace from our past. I have found that peace in the love and trust I know have in God. I cannot express in words the love and peace that I now have. I trust in God fully. He has healed me, and from this healing I know that He has great plans for me. I am awed at the wonder of my reconciliation. I am brought to tears daily from it all. It is a great  freedom  to cry from joy and wonder and from the love and peace that is from God.