A Stone Free Life.

John 19:39-40 (KJV)

39 And there came also Nicodemus, which at the first came to Jesus by night, and brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about an hundred pound weight. 40 Then took they the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen clothes with the spices, as the manner of the Jews is to bury.

"Jesus had promised that the Cross on which he would be lifted up would be the power that would draw all sorts of people to him in faith. (John 12:32) For Nicodemus, the Cross was the deciding moment. On the human side of things, the Cross was the worst possible time for Nicodemus to identify with Jesus. After all, Jesus was a criminal in the eyes of Roman and Jewish authorities, a false messiah rejected by the Jews, and a dead body that could only make Nicodemus unclean. Yet Nicodemus stepped forward and helped do the loving work of burial preparation—something only a family member normally did. It was also political suicide. It rendered Nicodemus unclean for the Passover ritual that began that evening. It identified him as one of Jesus' disciples when he could possibly be put into prison, or worse. Yet the Cross has such power! Power enough to melt the heart and build the courage of one man who had everything to lose, yet he stepped out of the shadows to find his Light."~WJD Devotional

     As Christians it seems that more often than not we do not act the way Nicodemus did. By this I mean we will tell someone we love them and support them in private, but we will not make a public showing of this lest we become "unclean." Here we see Nicodemus getting to understand who Christ is. Talk about timing. It was the worst possible time for him to get it. This is not true. It was God's timing. It was the perfect time for Nicodemus. Even though Nicodemus had everything to lose in the public eye he did what his heart told him to do. If only I could be more like Nicodemus. By this I do not mean professing my love for Christ. I want to be the Nicodemus that shows love to others regardless of the place I am in or who I may be with.  I do not want to lie down at night and feel the weight of a heavy heart because I was ashamed to be seen with someone that the eyes of the world say is unworthy. I do not stand before the world to be judged. I stand before my Lord. I do not want to stand before Him and hang my head and say "Father, the world was watching. They would think I was like them. I just could not let the world think that of me."  Even if this person had done no wrong, only that the world had judged them as such. Even when I knew in my heart what the Christ like thing to do was...No I do not want to be that person. I want to be Nicodemus and at the worst possible moment become "unclean".

     I understand being shunned.  It happened  a few weeks ago by someone that I love very much. Was okay to talk in private at this time but not in public. I love you and support you in private. As good as that is it is tainted. It is about that person and how they are worried about what the world sees.  I got hurt. I got angry. This person should have not said those things to me. They should have had me in private and in public.  They never knew the hurt that they caused. I did not lash out at them and tell them how I felt about what they had said. I wanted to. I wanted them to feel bad and hurt like I was. The thing is I had to find forgiveness in my heart for them. I had to keep loving them.  I could not let their wrong become mine.  To love someone when they have hurt you is one of the hardest things to do. I made a choice to do as Christ would. I keep loving them.  I keep praying. I keep my Father close so that I can run to Him, ask Him to help them first and help me so that I can keep walking toward Him.

    A few weeks ago  I missed a God given opportunity. I heard God in my heart. I knew what He wanted me to do. It was a very small thing, just a few words to say to this person. But I did not want to engage in conversation with them. I did not feel comfortable talking to them in a semi-public place. It was all about ME and how I felt. I ignored the urging that God placed upon my heart. I was stuck on self and not on Christ.  

      This world is passing. This life here is only temporary, but it matters. How I live in it matters. I want to live so that when the "stones" are being thrown I can hold my head up and look toward my Savior and know that it is well with my soul.  God can smile and say "Yes! That one, that one is mine. Look at her the 'stones' came  and she kept her eyes on Me. "

      This life is not about me. It is about how I live for Christ. The only measuring stick I need is Christ, not what the world thinks. After all, the world hated Christ. I would rather live a life being shunned by the world than a life without Christ.

    I do not trust most people. I do not like most people. Above all, I do not understand people. I am thankful that I am not called to trust, like, or understand them.  All I am called to do is love them in every place at every time no matter what the world may think. I cannot change the world. I can only let the love of God change me.  Let the “stones” come  as they may. I will walk with love for all the stone throwers.  I will get hit. I will get hurt. I may even fall.  That is okay. I have the love of Christ for me and in me. There are worse place to be.  I could keep reaching for my own “stones.” I could be carrying a wagon load of them around with me. Not today. Today my burden is light.  

The Evil that is Facebook

      I am too often drawn like a moth to the flame of the evil that is Facebook. I scroll through looking at the train wreak  I cannot help it. I am drawn to the wreckage, perhaps in some vain attempt  to take me out of my self-centeredness and empathize with someone else’s suffering and be grateful for what I have.  Is it all evil? Hardly, but the human nature that is in me tends to see wrong before I see the good. That said, I came across something that I have seen many times in the past, not the exact but  of the same nature.  It makes me angry when I see it, and yes I am very well aware that all I have to do is scroll past it. Freedom  to post freedom of speech and all that. I cannot count the times that I scroll  past and not say what it is I feel about it. To not take a stand, not making use of  my freedom of speech. To say nothing in a way  is to say it is okay.  In doing so am I allowing that small bit of evil to creep in and plant a seed. When I do this, “ Turning a blind eye,” I am letting that seed to start  a decomposing affect upon my soul. Small pieces start to decay and die, and when I continue with this my soul dies. That is not what I  have been created for. I am created as child of God to be of service, and by not using the voice that has been given to me  by my God I am failing at what God has created my for. So I am using my voice by typed words.

     What I came across this morning was something about domestic violence. I have seen things come across with child abuse and other such things. With comments saying  they need to be beaten and other such acts of violence.  My first thought is Wow!  For a so called civilized world that we clam to be we sure revert to a Cane and Able mentality. Some may think that it easy for me to sit behind the protection of my computer.  That I do not know what it is like to be on the other side, to be the victim. Not true, been there done that, seen it firsthand.  I have said, and I have heard it, violence begets violence. Ignorance begets ignorance. The list goes on.  But I know that there is another way, been lost by many for some never learned.  Prayer, empathy, and compassion. Think on it, somewhere in the life of those people somehow things got twisted someone failed them and the cycle goes on. It is the enemy’s way. That is what Satan does.  Sometimes all it takes is a little something for someone to turn away form God.  I can also say this because once again, been there done that.   I am not saying don’t be angry. I am saying don’t stay in your anger do not let someone else’s sin become your own. “Ephesians 4:26- (NKJV) 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. 28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.”

       We as Christians are commanded to pray. We are to be Christ like, which is to have the mind of Christ. Luke 19:10 (NKJV)” 10 for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.” (That is every one of us) Matthew 9:37-38 (NKJV) ³⁷ Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few.³⁸ Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” (Once again that is directed at us) Christ words to Saul( if you do not  know Saul was a big hater of Christians) In Acts 26:18 (KJV)  “ To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.” We are to Pray for ALL  1 Timothy 2:1-6 (NKJV)”2 Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, 2 for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence. 3 For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. 5 For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, 6 who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.”

     Perhaps some of the issue is with this Facebook god that  is plastered throughout  Facebook.  For example is see  such things as IF you believe in God  share and God well give you a miracle tomorrow. This is not God. This is something that is misguided and wrong regardless of the good intent behind the words. Yet such things as this are all over Facebook.  I have many times thought about leaving Facebook behind, don’t look back, keep on moving.  However, I come up with the reasoning that the only way I can keep in touch with certain people in my life is to stay on Facebook. Crazy thing is I have a phone. It works. Does text messaging, can make and receive phone calls, can even send and receive photos. I even have email, so why do I keep my Facebook? Simple, to remind myself of the need to pray to have empathy for those that are in need.  To share in the joy and the grace of God. To remember that it is not about me. If I can share but one verse on prayer and touch but one life than I have done right by my God.   With the ever changing world with its social media, fear seeking news reporting and other things of that nature it is no wonder that We  as Christians have strayed so far from the flock that we have gathered into something that is no longer recognizable what Christ had intended for us to become.

     My mother hates Facebook; her reasoning is that she does not want to see personal posts about baby diapers. I shake my head at this line of reasoning. I have not addressed what lies behind this. I feel that there is more to this than what she has said. Never the less it is her feelings on the subject. I have not dug deeper into her reasoning “Let sleeping dogs lie.” But I realize that she is missing something, ever how minor it  may be, she is missing something. Perhaps her reasoning is self-preservation from all that is evil in Facebook.  Truly the evil lies in what we make it.  Not just in Facebook but all forms of media.  Facebook has it issues so does life. The end result is what we allow it to make of us. I chose to take what is wrong and do what I can for better service unto Christ. I must guard myself not to be consumed by Facebook and the time spent on it. I must spend the time in a constant renewing of my relationship with my Abba Father.  So that what little I do can become something greater for His kingdom and the glory of God. I will keep Facebook. I will continue to cry, laugh, be angry have empathy and above all things I will continue to pray and love and follow  the example of my God.

Time,Rest and Trust

     For all those who are able to do your everyday things the simple things such as taking a shower, combing your hair, walking to check the mail. Enjoy them. It is very frustrating to not be able to do them without feeling like you have run a race. I am thankful that I have family and friends that are helping me. It is harder than you can image I am not the kind of person that likes to be taking care of I am the one that takes care of others. I am discouraged, perhaps even feeling a little down on myself. This is not something that I ever would have thought would happen to me. I thought that by know I would be facing the world head on again. But I can hardly comb my own hair out without getting tired. I know that it is hard for me to really think about how bad things did get and how bad they could have stayed. I am so thankful for all the prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf. It has not been easy for me to pray. I guess it is some mental block, denial over the whole heart attack and having to have a stent placement. I keep putting on my brave face, however each day I feel it starting to crumble. I want things to be back to normal for whatever normal is. Even if normal is something different.

     God has brought me a long way from the place that I once was in. I know that there have been some areas in my life that I have still kept closed off from Him. After I had my first stroke in 2000 I had become very fearful of dying at any moment. I prayed when I walked down the deck steps, when I went out to feed the horses, driving to the store. I was so very afraid and sure that God was going to strike me dead at any moment. I was a little crazy and very irrational with this fear.

    Even though I prayed and did all the right things to not make God any angrier than what I already thought He was at me, I never walked closer, never changed my relationship with Him. After some time that fear left me as did my communication with God. Soon after that life went back to normal in a manner of speaking. I thought I was there on some level but I never fully got back into. I was still very afraid to live. So much so that anytime we would be going out of town I would not have a good meal. I had this insane thought that if I did not have a good meal then it would not be my last. However at the time it was very sane and rational thinking.  I was not a very happy person. I missed out on so many things during that time. Granted the stroke was not the only factor. During those times I would ask God or maybe even tell God please only gentle reminders when I would feel myself close to the edge of crazy.

      It has been over three years now that I have come to see God as God. Not this thing that hates me or wishes ill for me. On a very intelligent level I get it. I do. However this child that I am is frightened. All this health stuff over the past few months I keep blowing off as no big deal, trying to put on a brave face, trying to make it all go away by not thinking about it. I keep reaching and reaching but it is hard to grasp the hand of Christ when I am holding on to whatever it is I am holding on to.

      God did not take me those many years ago; he has not taken me this time. I do not have that gut wrenching fear as I once did. On some level I think that this feeling of denial is worse. I don’t want to think about it. I want to get up in the morning take my bath, comb my hair and walk outside and be perfectly able to face the day.  I should be able to do all that and more. I can’t do those things. My heart is not ready for it, but my spirit always is.

     I was praying the other day asking how long all this was going to take. All I got back was time, rest and trust, three of the hardest things for me. Time is short I want things done yesterday. Rest, I would rather be doing for others and not have to have others do for me. Then there’s that last little sneaky word, trust.  All I have to do is trust in a loving Father that has placed loving people in my life that can help care for me in the small things such as brushing out my hair when I cannot; help hold me up when I feel like falling down.  I know that perhaps I need to let the brave face crumble and just go ahead and stop holding back the tears and let it go. There is some fear in letting go and crying. That fear is a lie.  To let go and cry is to trust.