Heartbreak on Display

     There is a new type of porn running rampant, “tragedy porn,” more aptly called “heartbreak porn.” I can scroll through my Facebook feed, or I can go to any news station website and there will be any number of videos or pictures putting someone’s heartbreak on display. There is a new breed of ambulance chasers. Technology is dehumanizing us. Too often we sit behind the safety of an electronic screen. Sifting through the rubble, wreckage, and ashes of someone else’s life. Perhaps with thoughts of “How awful.” “What a shame.” Services them right.” Glad it’s not me.” “Someone needs to do something about that.” But there is a degree of separation.  We get to walk away from without getting dirty, no ashes to wash away. The truth is we are not walking away clean, or at least we should not be.  The part of us that makes us human is getting dirty. I will confess that I will read stories. I will check as many facts as I can. I do not watch videos if I can avoid it. I will occasionally look at photos.  During my time wandering through the lives of others, I pray. Most often I have no words, just a heart that is broken. It is broken for the families that lost loved ones in an accident. It breaks for those that have lost everything in a disaster. My heart weeps for those that feel shame in their lives because they have some type of stigma attached to them. I am heartbroken for the victims. I am sad for the person that is victimizing.   My heart is broken for the homeless and the hopeless. I am grieved for more than I can put into words, because words are too simple for the grieved spirit. I am angry. I am appalled. I am dismayed. We as a people are failing. One thing that I do have is hope, confident expectation, or as a dear friend and sister says JOYFUL expectation. The wonderful thing about HOPE is I do not have to know the how and the why for it. HOPE, much like FAITH, is assurance that things which are uncertain, unclear and unknown will change. HOPE and Faith require action. An action of LOVE. LOVE is not passive. LOVE moves to COMPASSION.  COMPASSION is LOVE in action.

Not in My Father's House

They say smell is closely linked to memory and can be a trigger for emotional memory. Whomever they are they are right. I was at Wal-Mart the other day getting a few things for work. Over all it was a good morning for me. I had gotten some sleep. I did not hurt and was able to walk, so that is a good start to the morning for me. Then my emotional world came crashing in on me. I walked by a man that had on cologne, and the smell of it triggered an emotional and physical  response  I was afraid.  I wanted to scream. I thought I was going to throw up, and over all become hysterical in the frozen food section. All I could do was repeat over and over in my head “God help me.”  I managed to get out of there without any hysterics. I managed to only have a few tears fall on the way to the office. By the time I got to work, I was doing okay.

I wanted to tell my husband about this, but by the time I had a chance, it was late, and I did not want to think about it before going to bed. I did not want to have any nightmares. I did mention it to him Wednesday evening after church. I felt confident that enough time had passed that I would be okay and did not need to worry about any nightmares. I was correct. By Thursday, I had not thought anymore about it, perhaps because no specific memory was triggered just emotional and a little physical reaction.  

Last night, early morning, the nightmares came. They came in crushing waves, drowning me, suffocating me. The last one that I woke from had me sobbing and shacking, and I watched as the last of the darkness turned to light.

I will not go into any great details. They are not needed. However, there was something very important in that last dreaming.  I was in a house, a huge house, call it a mansion. It seemed to have a million rooms, and every room I went into something awful happened. The first rooms were not as bad as the last. One thing that was the same through each room was what I was saying, “ Not in my Father’s house.” By the time I was in the last part of the nightmare, I was screaming it over and over again.  I am struggling not to cry as I write this. Hard to type through tears.

Upon waking ,I had no idea why I would be saying that. I knew that the house in my dream was not my dad’s.  

As the fear and horrors of the dreams started to loss their grip on me, I realized what I meant by my words. “Not in my Father’s House.” I am a child of God. Every part of me, my waking and my sleeping mind, both are my Father’s. My mind is a part of my Father’s house. Those demons that waited had  no right to be there inside my head. My subconscious mind knew this and was rebuking them. Even though I know it was all nightmares triggered from a smell, the emotional effects are still there.  I also know that even though I have felt distant from my Holy Father, my subconscious mind still cries out for Him.

I have felt as though I have been going through the motions of life spiritually and, well, just living in general. My body hates me more days than not and lately. It has added more things to starts failing. It takes a toll physically, but it is the emotional toll that does the real killing of the spirit.

I can say it is well with my soul, because I love God, but my spirit is as ill as the rest of my body, perhaps in some ways more. There is hope. I know this because of the nightmares from last night. I have always had Daddy to help me. I now have, “Not in MY FATHERS HOUSE!”  The enemy has no rights, and, as Abba’s child, I have the right to proclaim this and to rebuke any and all enemies from trying to take it away.  

Love Is Not Enough

What if you are that person that someone has been waiting on?

That someone is anyone and everyone you come in contact with. Let’s say that someone has been struggling with Christianity. They have a bad taste in their mouth from what they have been given. They are familiar with the message of Christ, yet have seen very little of it in people. They are at a pivotal point and have decided that this day they are going to come to you, knowing that you are a Christian. You are now that person.

They are not seeking advice. They are searching for Christ in you. They have had enough advice pounded into them. They need to see Christ. This is life or death . They pour themselves out to you. You have one of two choices. One you step out of the way and let the Holy Spirit love them through you and speak life into them. Or you get in the way, and  in your messy state that  your humanness is, you speak death into them.

I know that when I stand before my Lord I do not want to look back and see that I got in the way of the Holy Spirit. It is never about how we personally feel about a person. It is not about us. That wrong line of thinking is what got us kicked out of the garden in the first place.

Our goal as Christians is to become Christ-like. Christ fellowshipped with sinners. He did not show partiality. He just loved all that sought Him, and He loved those that did not. Yes, He did judge and condemned those that rejected Him. It is His birth right, not ours.

We have been given the gift of grace, and, as Christians, we should impart grace upon all persons. Grace goes above and beyond love. Loving all people is right, but left on its own love is not powerful enough to change the heart. God loves us, but that love alone was not enough. He saw that we needed grace, amazing grace. Grace is what sets us free. Grace amps up love. For us as Christians we must extend grace to those that are waiting. We must check the condition of our own heart and be mindful that love on its own is not enough. Love is often a gift that we put in a box and wrap it with bows of reactions, conditions and expectations and when we feel as thou one or all have been violated we grab the end of the bow and pull it back according to the degree of violation. Often when we try to rewrap the gift of love it is not the same as it was when we first gave it away. The only thing that should be attached to love is grace. Grace is God’s love in action.  

Love Went to Heaven

LOVE WENT TO HEAVEN

Love went to Heaven the day that you died.
It was the day that the angels cried.

Your body was beaten and broken.
While they fought for your clothing to be taken as a token.

They laughed and jeered,
Yet you shed not a tear.

They shouted and mocked ”King of Jews”.
No one was willing to walk in your shoes.

Upon a hill the nailed you to a cross.
Feeling forsaken, abandoned and lost.

Carrying a burden from the cradle to the grave.
Shedding blood for every life that you saved.

Your spirit was not broke.
And with bruised lips you spoke.

“Every promise has been kept.”
And you lowered your head and wept.

Your death for our sin, yet you had none of your own.
And on the wings of doves you have been carried home.

Love went to Heaven the day that Jesus died.
It was the day the angels cried.




Leah Woodard
September 19, 2003

Who do we say this Jesus is?

Mark 8: 27-29  Now Jesus and His disciples went out to the towns of Caesarea Philippi; and on the road He asked His disciples, saying to them, “Who do men say that I am?” So they answered, “John the Baptist; but some say, Elijah; and others, one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered and said to Him, “You are the Christ.”

     Peter is right with his words, yet he is wrong with his thinking. Christ the anointed one, the chosen one. Yes, Christ was anointed by God. He was the chosen one to share the Good News and to free us from sin. Jesus speaks openly to the disciples, telling them that the Son of Man will suffer, be rejected and killed. On the third day, He will rise again. Peter takes Jesus aside and rebukes Him. Peter is not questioning Jesus about His statements, but Peter is flat out telling Jesus no. The idea of a suffering Christ does not align with his image of the anointed one.

The truth is harsh. There was only one way for Christ to set us sinners free. Suffering, rejected, mocked, beaten and crucified. Salvation could only come to us through the cross.

On a second occasion, while passing through Galilee, Jesus predicts His death and resurrection. This time there is no rebuke from Peter or any questions asked. The disciples did not understand and where afraid to ask. Why are they afraid to ask? Christ the anointed one is telling them about His suffering and death. This is not the image that they had. They thought that Jesus was going to reign then. He was going to free them from the Roman oppression.  Life was going to be grand with Christ as the ruling king. They were thinking in the here and now. The disciples could not imagine Christ as a suffering, rejected and murdered king. They kept missing what Jesus is telling them. They kept missing the last word, resurrection.  Too often, we do the same. We want this life to be easy. We want our comforts. We want to be free from suffering.  We want to be wanted. No suffering, no rejection. So how can we see Christ as a suffering and rejected king?

Jesus tells the disciples a third and final time about His impending death and resurrection.

 “Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and to the scribes; and they will condemn Him to death and deliver Him to the Gentiles; and they will mock Him, and scourge Him, and spit on Him, and kill Him. And the third day He will rise again.” Mark 10:33, 34

Rejected, the anointed one will be rejected, persecuted, spit upon, scourged and killed.  This is no king to rule and set them free from the Romans. This is not the king that they thought they were getting. However, this king is needed. The suffering, rejected, crucified king.  The risen king is Christ, the anointed one, He is in this for the long term, eternity. The here and now is a passing thing.  This is our King, the risen King! Who do we say this Jesus is? He is the risen Lord.

The Donkey Stole My Joy !

The donkey stole my joy!

“But He answered and said to them, “I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out.” Luke 19:40

How can stones cry out? They have no life. So how can Jesus think that if the crowd is silent that the stones will cry out?

Jesus enters the city and the crowds are crying out their praises to Him. The Pharisees tell him to make the people stop blessing him as a king. He answers with the above statement. On Palm Sunday as Christ rode in on a young donkey, the people, at that moment, recognized His sovereignty and shouted Hosanna! Hosanna!

Now imagine if you will, that Christ and His disciples come into the city, and the crowds are gathered, but they are silent for the Pharisees have done their own crowd control, knowing what a spectacle this man that called himself Jesus would cause. The twelve disciples are stealing glances about the crowd and at one another, looking to see what Jesus will do. There is a feeling of discord in the crowd. They begin to grow restless as the donkey slowly makes his way into the city. You can hear the occasional clipping of the hoofs and see the puffs of dust as his hoofs strike the ground.

The donkey begins to move a little faster, and the clipping becomes louder. He strikes his hoof on a stone, and the sound rings into the silence. The donkey's lumbering pace is quickly turning into a trot. Moreover, he seems to be intent on striking every stone as he moves through the silent crowd. Before long, the donkey is prancing among the stones. The sound from the stones is musical. In the silence, they seem to be shouting out. This little donkey, a beast of burden, is prancing and full of joy. He is making the very stones shout out praises to Jesus. The crowd stirs, yet they remain silent for fear of the Pharisees. Behold a little donkey came prancing along the city street and stole the joy of praising and shouting Hosanna! Hosanna!

Do not let the donkey steal your joy. Do not let the stones shout out your praises. Raise your voice. Lift your hands, and shout unto the Lord. Praise Him. Feel the joy that is in the Lord. Be like the crowd on Palm Sunday. Sing Hosannas to the Lord, for He is sovereign.

The Lord's Table

Passover is an 8-day celebration for the Jews. This is the freedom celebration from slavery. It is a time of rejoicing over their freedom. The Exodus story. Reflect on the mindset of the disciples. They are in festival mode, granted it is low key but, nonetheless, it is a time of joyful freedom. Now think on what weighs on the mind of Christ. He is soon to be facing betrayal, denial and lack of support by those He loves. He is going to be striped, humiliatingly broken, beaten and his blood will be spilled for all those that He sits at the table with. This is our Lord's last supper. This is the last moment of fellowship before the brutality of the cross and the heartbreak from those He loves.
I wonder which pain was the most unbearable for Him? Think on it. Christ's last meal was a celebration meal. Thus His disciples, unaware of the events that would be soon transpiring, had a light and happy heart. However, Christ was all too aware of what was going to happen to them and to Himself. He knew one would betray him with a kiss and another would deny him thrice before the cock crowed. Yet he still sat in their company and loved them.
 I wonder if He even partook of the food? However, I know what he did do. He broke the bread, blessed it, and told those at the table that this is the body broken for you, even the one that would betray and those that would deny. And they ate the bread. He then took the wine and blessed it. This is the blood that is spilled for you. Once again, it was for all that sat at the table. He excluded no one. Even the three that cannot give him an hour of their time.
This was the beginning of an evening of humble servitude. He removed his clothing and garbed himself in servant cloth. He took on the lowest position and washed their feet, knowing the heartbreak that was soon to come. The pity of it is that the disciples had no idea, no understanding until after. However, we do understand. We know. So why have we lost the reverence of communion, this time of worship and reconciliation, this time of refreshing ourselves in the holy presence of our Lord?
Too often when we come, we take a piece of cracker and our cup,  go back to our pew,  and have a moment of prayer. Our minds begin to wonder, and then our words start to do the same. We have reverted to the idleness of the disciples during the Passover meal. What excuse have we for this? We are not ignorant. We know what happened. This is the time when we stop hiding the part of our soul that has rejected the bread of the broken body from entering. Let it in. Let it bind the brokenness in our soul. Take the juice. Let it refresh you. Let it reconcile you into the embrace of Christ.
This is not intermission. This is the time to enter into the Holy of Holies. This is coming into the courts and worshiping in His presence. This is loving the one that betrays you. This is loving the one that denies you. This is loving the one that wants from you but does not give back. There is nothing that is hidden that will not come into the light. The table before us may be small, but the broken body and the blood that was spilled is mighty and great. Remember this love, this sacrifice. Stay in the refreshment of reconciliation and the reverence of worship of our Lord and Redeemer.